A good life, but a hard life.

I know that God is good. I know that if it's God's will, it will be done. At least, that's what I am starting to grasp. But I want more than to just know it. I really want to acknowledge it completely, for all the areas of my life. The hardest area to apply that knowledge is relationships. How surprising, no?

Things have been great ever since I talked with her few weeks back. I have my close friend back and we are sharing like we used to. I am doing my best right now to focus on that friendship itself and to help build her up to be a woman of God. She's an amazing Sister in Christ who is constantly hungering after Him, even if her steps are small.

What's difficult is knowing that her decisions for a future relationship is all God's will... that the one she ends up choosing is all in God's hands. To be bluntly put, it makes me wonder if I'll have that chance again in the future. If I wait so long, will I miss my chance? Yet, that's exactly what God doesn't want me to think. I'm sure He doesn't want me to wonder so far ahead and question His plans. At the same time, I'm really hoping He knows those feelings that were in my heart. She has liked me once, and lately I was yearning to know if those feelings were authentic, or was it just a spur of the moment? Did she take it back because she realized it was a mistake, or is she just trying to do the mature thing and grow? That is the one question I wish I could have asked her back then, but I know sometimes it's best not to know the answer to a question. Instead, it's even better to be surprised by what God has in store for me.

Most of the time I am satisfied with the way things are between the two of us. In fact, a lot of times I am thankful that God's allowing me to Brother to her, a walking stone, a witness to her ups and downs. I really do want to see her grow. She's got a lot of potentials. Sometimes, however, the things I want to do to help her can't be done simply because I am not in a relationship with her. I know I need to be extra careful not to tread on the boundaries.

All in all, I'm continuing to strive to have selfless faith. I am constantly reminding myself to take this time of being single as a blessing, a time to grow and to find, pursue, and achieve my Passion & Purpose.

I wish for more, but I'm glad God has power over my life right now. If I have authority over my own life right now, it'd be constantly hitting the gutters and making rash decisions and mistakes.

'Tis a hard journey!!!