Why are we here on earth?
We were created. But why?
We have a purpose. What is it?
Ask God, He'll tell you. Just remember to listen.
There have been many times in my life where I've pondered why am I here? What is it that God wants me to do with my life? I always try to answer my own questions from time to time. Am I supposed to help people by being a nurse? Should I try to become some sort of relationship counselor? Always constantly trying to figure out on my own what God wants me to do. The funny thing is that only recently have I been asking Him myself. The more I ask Him, the more I see. I'm in a situation where I find health to be extremely important. I know that God's given me a new heart for others, I freaking love people. So right now, I trust God with my path. I know that no matter what happens, as long as I feel like I'm doing the right thing, God will bless me, because I know I'm doing this for Him.
And Psalm 37:4 says: Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.
So don't worry. God's got your back. Praise God for the blessings that you've received today, even thought they may be tiny like finding a parking spot, or huge, like realizing that you're more loved that you ever thought possible.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
A good life, but a hard life.
I know that God is good. I know that if it's God's will, it will be done. At least, that's what I am starting to grasp. But I want more than to just know it. I really want to acknowledge it completely, for all the areas of my life. The hardest area to apply that knowledge is relationships. How surprising, no?
Things have been great ever since I talked with her few weeks back. I have my close friend back and we are sharing like we used to. I am doing my best right now to focus on that friendship itself and to help build her up to be a woman of God. She's an amazing Sister in Christ who is constantly hungering after Him, even if her steps are small.
What's difficult is knowing that her decisions for a future relationship is all God's will... that the one she ends up choosing is all in God's hands. To be bluntly put, it makes me wonder if I'll have that chance again in the future. If I wait so long, will I miss my chance? Yet, that's exactly what God doesn't want me to think. I'm sure He doesn't want me to wonder so far ahead and question His plans. At the same time, I'm really hoping He knows those feelings that were in my heart. She has liked me once, and lately I was yearning to know if those feelings were authentic, or was it just a spur of the moment? Did she take it back because she realized it was a mistake, or is she just trying to do the mature thing and grow? That is the one question I wish I could have asked her back then, but I know sometimes it's best not to know the answer to a question. Instead, it's even better to be surprised by what God has in store for me.
Most of the time I am satisfied with the way things are between the two of us. In fact, a lot of times I am thankful that God's allowing me to Brother to her, a walking stone, a witness to her ups and downs. I really do want to see her grow. She's got a lot of potentials. Sometimes, however, the things I want to do to help her can't be done simply because I am not in a relationship with her. I know I need to be extra careful not to tread on the boundaries.
All in all, I'm continuing to strive to have selfless faith. I am constantly reminding myself to take this time of being single as a blessing, a time to grow and to find, pursue, and achieve my Passion & Purpose.
I wish for more, but I'm glad God has power over my life right now. If I have authority over my own life right now, it'd be constantly hitting the gutters and making rash decisions and mistakes.
'Tis a hard journey!!!
Things have been great ever since I talked with her few weeks back. I have my close friend back and we are sharing like we used to. I am doing my best right now to focus on that friendship itself and to help build her up to be a woman of God. She's an amazing Sister in Christ who is constantly hungering after Him, even if her steps are small.
What's difficult is knowing that her decisions for a future relationship is all God's will... that the one she ends up choosing is all in God's hands. To be bluntly put, it makes me wonder if I'll have that chance again in the future. If I wait so long, will I miss my chance? Yet, that's exactly what God doesn't want me to think. I'm sure He doesn't want me to wonder so far ahead and question His plans. At the same time, I'm really hoping He knows those feelings that were in my heart. She has liked me once, and lately I was yearning to know if those feelings were authentic, or was it just a spur of the moment? Did she take it back because she realized it was a mistake, or is she just trying to do the mature thing and grow? That is the one question I wish I could have asked her back then, but I know sometimes it's best not to know the answer to a question. Instead, it's even better to be surprised by what God has in store for me.
Most of the time I am satisfied with the way things are between the two of us. In fact, a lot of times I am thankful that God's allowing me to Brother to her, a walking stone, a witness to her ups and downs. I really do want to see her grow. She's got a lot of potentials. Sometimes, however, the things I want to do to help her can't be done simply because I am not in a relationship with her. I know I need to be extra careful not to tread on the boundaries.
All in all, I'm continuing to strive to have selfless faith. I am constantly reminding myself to take this time of being single as a blessing, a time to grow and to find, pursue, and achieve my Passion & Purpose.
I wish for more, but I'm glad God has power over my life right now. If I have authority over my own life right now, it'd be constantly hitting the gutters and making rash decisions and mistakes.
'Tis a hard journey!!!
Icebox Where My Heart Used To Be...
Am I heartless? Am I cold? Do I have this icebox where my heart used to be?
Last night I decided that it was a good idea to talk to my ex-girlfriend. To catch but also to just let her know that I'm over her, and to make sure that there's no false hope of us ever getting back together. So the convo started off well. We caught up, small talk. Nothing big or personal. But then things got heavy. Extremely heavy.
I told her that ever since our break-up, I felt that I was getting over the whole thing pretty fast, pretty easily. The only reason for any of this was God. I basically said "God, take this away from me, I'm not going to deal with it. You take care of it." And He did. And He blessed me beyond my comprehension. He provided me with great friends, got me serving again, and gave me a new heart. And then I told her that I just don't see us getting back together again. I told her that I'm over her and that there could be someone new.
That's when she started crying.
If you know me, if I see a girl cry I get super comforting and caring. I will do things to make girls feel better even if it could be borderline inappropriate because they aren't my girlfriend. But this time, I felt God was telling me to be extremely strong.
So here she is, crying in a public place, and I was stone cold. I was very nice tho. I offered her tissues, I would comfort her when she started to really ball. But what she said was the killer.
"I miss you."
"You're exactly everything I want right now."
"Why can't we work on this?"
"I promise this time around I'll treat you right, I'll make you feel special."
"I want to be with you."
Nothing. I felt nothing. I kept on telling her no, that I really can't see us together again, and I feel like we just weren't meant for each other. She thought we were.
This dragged on for nearly one and a half hours, with her constantly crying. And yet the whole time I was with her, my heart didn't break or feel for her, I never fell. I was strong with the mission I had. I'm glad I told her because she never really dealt with the fact that we broke up. She always felt that we would get back together and that's why she never thought she had to deal with it. She's been keeping herself busy but I am glad now she can start getting over me. She started to just cry even more, saying that life wasn't fair, that I had already gotten over her and she just started. She even tried to get me to give her a hug, but I just couldn't. I felt like if I did she would just start to assume that things would be getting better for us.
So we went our separate ways. She was still very emotional so I called her sister to make sure that she would get home safely. Then I got home, and all the emotions that I should have felt came rushing in. I was an emotional wreak. Although I never thought about getting back with her, my heart broke. Here was a girl who was a huge part of my life, and I destroyed her. I broke her heart and the whole time I wasn't there to really comfort her. I feel like an asshole, a jerk, someone who is so cold hearted that I'm surprised I can love.
I pray that God will bless her, and comfort her. I know that she will be fine, I just hope that she won't do anything stupid. Please just pray that God will be in her life, and she she'll be able to lean on Him, her small group, and her family.
Me on the other hand? I'll get over this....
Last night I decided that it was a good idea to talk to my ex-girlfriend. To catch but also to just let her know that I'm over her, and to make sure that there's no false hope of us ever getting back together. So the convo started off well. We caught up, small talk. Nothing big or personal. But then things got heavy. Extremely heavy.
I told her that ever since our break-up, I felt that I was getting over the whole thing pretty fast, pretty easily. The only reason for any of this was God. I basically said "God, take this away from me, I'm not going to deal with it. You take care of it." And He did. And He blessed me beyond my comprehension. He provided me with great friends, got me serving again, and gave me a new heart. And then I told her that I just don't see us getting back together again. I told her that I'm over her and that there could be someone new.
That's when she started crying.
If you know me, if I see a girl cry I get super comforting and caring. I will do things to make girls feel better even if it could be borderline inappropriate because they aren't my girlfriend. But this time, I felt God was telling me to be extremely strong.
So here she is, crying in a public place, and I was stone cold. I was very nice tho. I offered her tissues, I would comfort her when she started to really ball. But what she said was the killer.
"I miss you."
"You're exactly everything I want right now."
"Why can't we work on this?"
"I promise this time around I'll treat you right, I'll make you feel special."
"I want to be with you."
Nothing. I felt nothing. I kept on telling her no, that I really can't see us together again, and I feel like we just weren't meant for each other. She thought we were.
This dragged on for nearly one and a half hours, with her constantly crying. And yet the whole time I was with her, my heart didn't break or feel for her, I never fell. I was strong with the mission I had. I'm glad I told her because she never really dealt with the fact that we broke up. She always felt that we would get back together and that's why she never thought she had to deal with it. She's been keeping herself busy but I am glad now she can start getting over me. She started to just cry even more, saying that life wasn't fair, that I had already gotten over her and she just started. She even tried to get me to give her a hug, but I just couldn't. I felt like if I did she would just start to assume that things would be getting better for us.
So we went our separate ways. She was still very emotional so I called her sister to make sure that she would get home safely. Then I got home, and all the emotions that I should have felt came rushing in. I was an emotional wreak. Although I never thought about getting back with her, my heart broke. Here was a girl who was a huge part of my life, and I destroyed her. I broke her heart and the whole time I wasn't there to really comfort her. I feel like an asshole, a jerk, someone who is so cold hearted that I'm surprised I can love.
I pray that God will bless her, and comfort her. I know that she will be fine, I just hope that she won't do anything stupid. Please just pray that God will be in her life, and she she'll be able to lean on Him, her small group, and her family.
Me on the other hand? I'll get over this....
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Jealousy, Love, and Patience
Omg i just had a nightmare, and it was awesome! But let me give out some background information first. One of the things I struggle with the most everyday is jealousy. It stems from my personal insecurities, which get magnified the closer we get to Compton. I think right now I'm jealous of Jesse the most, because he's able to spend so much time planning the Compton trip with her. At the same time, it's completely my fault because I couldn't manage helping her plan for the Compton trip and student teaching at the same time. Everytime I see them together during a Compton meeting, I feel jealous and regret. I've really been praying to God to take all these negative feelings away from me, which leads me to the nightmare I just had.
One of my biggest stress factors would be finances. Because I don't earn any money student teaching, I have to tutor for about 2 hours a day to help support my mom in paying rent and other bills. I can't remember all the details of my dream, but it had me and Jesse just talking. All of a sudden, my mom walks in in tears, telling me that there was some legal issues and how we got scammed and now owe $42k to the landlord. I tried to comfort her, but I was more shocked and in disbelief than anything else. Then I saw Jesse really just comfort her and pray for her in my dream. So yea...like WTF! I never dream about Jesse, but to see him comfort my mom in a crisis like this?!?! That's gotta be God. I think He really wanted me to know two things: one that be happy and humble in what he has provided, and two in that really take away the jealousy I felt for Jesse. It's crazy, I really have no other explanation for this dream!
Dang sorry for running long. Lastly I just want to pray for patience, and really thank the Lord for all you brothers. When I told her how I felt, and told her to take her time, I really expected to have an answer in less than a week. So when I met up with her again on Friday, I was honestly shocked to hear that she isn't close to deciding, she feels overwhelmed with the decision, and that she's pretty much 50-50 right now. She mentioned how she felt like there was a deadline, the Compton trip, for telling me her response. She's struggling with the same thing I struggled with, figuring out whether the timing is good or not. I just feel so helpless, but at the same time so dependent on God. I told her that I'm willing to wait however long it takes, and for her not to rush. I'm so glad to have you brothers, or else I think I'd totally collapse and squeeze an answer out of her.
<3 you guys!
One of my biggest stress factors would be finances. Because I don't earn any money student teaching, I have to tutor for about 2 hours a day to help support my mom in paying rent and other bills. I can't remember all the details of my dream, but it had me and Jesse just talking. All of a sudden, my mom walks in in tears, telling me that there was some legal issues and how we got scammed and now owe $42k to the landlord. I tried to comfort her, but I was more shocked and in disbelief than anything else. Then I saw Jesse really just comfort her and pray for her in my dream. So yea...like WTF! I never dream about Jesse, but to see him comfort my mom in a crisis like this?!?! That's gotta be God. I think He really wanted me to know two things: one that be happy and humble in what he has provided, and two in that really take away the jealousy I felt for Jesse. It's crazy, I really have no other explanation for this dream!
Dang sorry for running long. Lastly I just want to pray for patience, and really thank the Lord for all you brothers. When I told her how I felt, and told her to take her time, I really expected to have an answer in less than a week. So when I met up with her again on Friday, I was honestly shocked to hear that she isn't close to deciding, she feels overwhelmed with the decision, and that she's pretty much 50-50 right now. She mentioned how she felt like there was a deadline, the Compton trip, for telling me her response. She's struggling with the same thing I struggled with, figuring out whether the timing is good or not. I just feel so helpless, but at the same time so dependent on God. I told her that I'm willing to wait however long it takes, and for her not to rush. I'm so glad to have you brothers, or else I think I'd totally collapse and squeeze an answer out of her.
<3 you guys!
Saturday, March 14, 2009
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
I prayed. I talked to my Brothers and Sisters. My heart grew restless as the week came to an end. The first attempt went poorly. My mum and brother strongly advised against the trip to Compton and gave me very little hope. I felt it was a defeat in a spiritual battle.
That was approximately three weeks ago. Throughout this week I had been constantly thinking about the trip, about whether or not God is wanting me to go. My heart kept feeling some sort of conviction to go. As the week drew close to an end, my heart felt so strong about making that decision for myself. Growing up, I never really made a major decision for myself. It was usually a life of either quiet submission to the family, or of secret and inobedient actions behind the family's back. This time, I wanted neither. I really started to realize that I can no longer be constantly relying on the paths my family and I may have set for myself anymore. After hearing Steve's sermon this past Thursday night, I realized that I really need to start searching my Passion & Purpose in His name. The special one, just for me, that He alone has planned. So I've begun to embark on that journey to find out what they are.
So? I lingered around tonight in San Jose, not wanting to go home. I was avoiding this unavoidable moment. With the presence of friends, I calmed down and prayed. Did I ever tell you that I am always thankful beyond words when friends pray for me? Even when the words are not powerful or extravagent, I always knew their hearts are pure and loving. That is why I am always thankful for their hearts, not their words. I finally went home and prayed on the drive home. Among my prayers were that I would praise Him no matter the outcome. I got home only to find in disappointment that my mum has not returned home yet. I went over the Urban Immersion packet once more and opened the Bible to Luke 4 and read over the passage that Steve shared about. The garage door opened and I knew this is the moment. I walked over to my mum and calmy told her about my decision. She asked a few questions about the trip and I patiently answered her. She asked me twice why I want to do these things, and I told her about my heart wanting to serve and step out of my old comfort zone. She listened and agreed to let me know.
Did God just let me go on this trip? I believe He did. The conversation went so smoothly that I kept praising God as I walked back to my room. I immediately shared the good news to the friends that were with me tonight, and prayed to praise Him.
This week will be of preparation of both the heart and the mentality. God is good.
That was approximately three weeks ago. Throughout this week I had been constantly thinking about the trip, about whether or not God is wanting me to go. My heart kept feeling some sort of conviction to go. As the week drew close to an end, my heart felt so strong about making that decision for myself. Growing up, I never really made a major decision for myself. It was usually a life of either quiet submission to the family, or of secret and inobedient actions behind the family's back. This time, I wanted neither. I really started to realize that I can no longer be constantly relying on the paths my family and I may have set for myself anymore. After hearing Steve's sermon this past Thursday night, I realized that I really need to start searching my Passion & Purpose in His name. The special one, just for me, that He alone has planned. So I've begun to embark on that journey to find out what they are.
So? I lingered around tonight in San Jose, not wanting to go home. I was avoiding this unavoidable moment. With the presence of friends, I calmed down and prayed. Did I ever tell you that I am always thankful beyond words when friends pray for me? Even when the words are not powerful or extravagent, I always knew their hearts are pure and loving. That is why I am always thankful for their hearts, not their words. I finally went home and prayed on the drive home. Among my prayers were that I would praise Him no matter the outcome. I got home only to find in disappointment that my mum has not returned home yet. I went over the Urban Immersion packet once more and opened the Bible to Luke 4 and read over the passage that Steve shared about. The garage door opened and I knew this is the moment. I walked over to my mum and calmy told her about my decision. She asked a few questions about the trip and I patiently answered her. She asked me twice why I want to do these things, and I told her about my heart wanting to serve and step out of my old comfort zone. She listened and agreed to let me know.
Did God just let me go on this trip? I believe He did. The conversation went so smoothly that I kept praising God as I walked back to my room. I immediately shared the good news to the friends that were with me tonight, and prayed to praise Him.
This week will be of preparation of both the heart and the mentality. God is good.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Heart
I guess where should I start. Your heart is the most important thing in the world. It is the thing that you should guard it with your life. For instance, do not let girls sway you guys from the truth and understand that just be prepared in all circumstances. In a relationship, prepare for the unexpected like issues between each other or families. I know for a fact Nicole's parents never liked me in the beginning just because I was older than her and her first boyfriend. So just be prepared to hit some snags along the way.
A verse that goes along with relationships is Proverbs 4:23:
"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."
Just remember that no matter who you like or want to date. Guard your heart because you do not want to get hurt by the girl you thought was the "girl of your dreams." Listen to what God has to say to you and in terms of following your heart. Do not always follow your heart because it can mislead you. For me it mislead me, to the point of feeling bad for myself during my first year of college. I remember crying alot at home because of the pain inside of me and also knowing that I did not guard my heart and prepare myself for the outcome. I always hoped that my ex-girlfriend and I would get back together. Such lies that I played out in my head and in my heart. So just remember to guard your heart and never lose sight of God. God will lead you along the right path and in terms of dating, He already picked out that special person for you.
Question to think about:
Relationships in the world are portrayed as the feeling of comfort, love, and care, but what is God's idea of a genuine relationship?
A verse that goes along with relationships is Proverbs 4:23:
"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."
Just remember that no matter who you like or want to date. Guard your heart because you do not want to get hurt by the girl you thought was the "girl of your dreams." Listen to what God has to say to you and in terms of following your heart. Do not always follow your heart because it can mislead you. For me it mislead me, to the point of feeling bad for myself during my first year of college. I remember crying alot at home because of the pain inside of me and also knowing that I did not guard my heart and prepare myself for the outcome. I always hoped that my ex-girlfriend and I would get back together. Such lies that I played out in my head and in my heart. So just remember to guard your heart and never lose sight of God. God will lead you along the right path and in terms of dating, He already picked out that special person for you.
Question to think about:
Relationships in the world are portrayed as the feeling of comfort, love, and care, but what is God's idea of a genuine relationship?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
