Jealousy, Love, and Patience

Omg i just had a nightmare, and it was awesome! But let me give out some background information first. One of the things I struggle with the most everyday is jealousy. It stems from my personal insecurities, which get magnified the closer we get to Compton. I think right now I'm jealous of Jesse the most, because he's able to spend so much time planning the Compton trip with her. At the same time, it's completely my fault because I couldn't manage helping her plan for the Compton trip and student teaching at the same time. Everytime I see them together during a Compton meeting, I feel jealous and regret. I've really been praying to God to take all these negative feelings away from me, which leads me to the nightmare I just had.

One of my biggest stress factors would be finances. Because I don't earn any money student teaching, I have to tutor for about 2 hours a day to help support my mom in paying rent and other bills. I can't remember all the details of my dream, but it had me and Jesse just talking. All of a sudden, my mom walks in in tears, telling me that there was some legal issues and how we got scammed and now owe $42k to the landlord. I tried to comfort her, but I was more shocked and in disbelief than anything else. Then I saw Jesse really just comfort her and pray for her in my dream. So yea...like WTF! I never dream about Jesse, but to see him comfort my mom in a crisis like this?!?! That's gotta be God. I think He really wanted me to know two things: one that be happy and humble in what he has provided, and two in that really take away the jealousy I felt for Jesse. It's crazy, I really have no other explanation for this dream!

Dang sorry for running long. Lastly I just want to pray for patience, and really thank the Lord for all you brothers. When I told her how I felt, and told her to take her time, I really expected to have an answer in less than a week. So when I met up with her again on Friday, I was honestly shocked to hear that she isn't close to deciding, she feels overwhelmed with the decision, and that she's pretty much 50-50 right now. She mentioned how she felt like there was a deadline, the Compton trip, for telling me her response. She's struggling with the same thing I struggled with, figuring out whether the timing is good or not. I just feel so helpless, but at the same time so dependent on God. I told her that I'm willing to wait however long it takes, and for her not to rush. I'm so glad to have you brothers, or else I think I'd totally collapse and squeeze an answer out of her.

<3 you guys!