Rest

In these past few weeks, one of the few things I've been pondering upon is where can I find rest. My mind is given over to thousands of different things, and worries pile up about myself and where I see myself. I don't know why that I worry, and I know I'm not in control of the situation when I want to be.

I'm scared of the uncertainty that is my future, and where it'll lead me. I'm scared that I won't be able to live up the expectations that are set before me by my family, and how I compare myself to my colleagues that have already graduated college and have a seemingly set path before them. I tell myself that it'll get better, and just to have faith that God is the driver and I'm not. Don't you have that feeling though even when you're in the passenger seat, and even though the driver assures that he or she is safe. When you ride and it gets all crazy, and you still get scared and the worst part is that you have no control over it. Yeah I have that feeling.

I've found that deep inside I am weary of what I cannot change, and the hope that I have in God is not looking good. Do I have doubts? I probably do. I don't know whether it'll be gone until I've graduated and breathe a sigh of relief.

In the mean time, to battle this constant weariness, and to refresh myself, I know that rest in God is imperative. I find that as much as I want to serve and be a radical Jesus follower, I cannot serve Him in a condition and an attitude that does not know what rest means. Solitude and in the quietness is where I can really meet God. In the stillness is where I find peace to quell the worries that I internalize. Going out and doing good works is great, but without a right attitude of serving, it is useless.

I find that rest between me and God really is the vital necessity that keeps me sane and believing. Without it, I would not know where my life would be.

Peace.