So I finally got admitted as a full-time student for Fall 2009. It's been a hard journey, putting up with the administration and constant obstacles that put me through two semesters of taking classes as an open-university student. What scares me is that after a year of taking only 2-3 classes per semester, I will not be mentally ready handling a whole line-up of classes, perhaps even back-to-back schedule. Furthermore, I have a feeling that my current semester grades will be evaluated. What if they take back my admission? My English 1B class is killing me - no, let me correct that, 7:30 is killing me. I have not been successful in waking up for that class for the past several weeks. Today was the first time I managed to attend the class. I have missed an in-class essay and gotten C's on my second and third out-of-class essays. I really need to recover in that class, but I have a feeling the damage is already sinking in.
Nevertheless, I would say this semester has been good for the past weeks. Pulse has been good. My friends have been good. God has been good! It's interesting and exciting to see God constantly hinting me that I could be so much more than I think I am capable of.
I also want to share something I was learning about through devotional last week in Compton. Psalm 91 talks about God protecting us, the faithful ones, the believing ones, from the enemies' arrows and sending his angels to guard us and to prevent us from falling, yet it's so easy to interpret this as a statement that as long as we are believers, God will protect us from harm and sufferings, and that only non-believers suffer. That is exactly the perspective Satan wishes us to keep in our heads. Just like how the devil tempted Jesus in the desert by telling him to call upon the angels to save him should he throw himself down from the cliff, Satan wants us to believe that we are invicinble with God by our side. Yet, as many of us already know, we go through obstacles and hardship. We lose loved ones, we lose jobs, we get hurt, and the list goes on. We may wonder why God allows this, or if He is the one orchestrating these events. Just remember this: God doesn't tempt us or brings suffering. Satan is the one who does that, at the consent of God! Satan roams here on earth, yet he still needs permission from God to tempt us. Isn't that mysterious? It's all part of God's design. God doesn't tempt us, but he does allow us to go through trials, in hopes we may perservere in His name and grow closer to Him.
We are to praise Him under all circumstance, and that's the wonder of His love.
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Thanks dude for the great reminder of the mystery of God's love. It's definitely challenge to praise God under all circumstances. Hang in there buddy. When do you normally go to bed?
ReplyDeletePraise God that you're on fire for Him. That's great news.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I do see a red flag in how you approach faith and school - I can't help but feel you are wasting His opportunities for you.
Serving God is a privilege. But you can potentially misrepresent what Jesus is about if you can't do well in school while serving others. Taking only three courses and receiving grades that do not satisfy you - there is something wrong with this picture.
God wants his ambassadors to expand the Kingdom of God, especially with Pulse on SJSU campus. But you won't be as credible or effective unless you gain the respect of your peers in classes. They want reliable friends they can count on.
I understand that classes may suck, the course material will be forgotten after the report card is submitted, etc. - not great motivators to study... but He wants to use you to get through this academic system so you can take on greater responsibilities with greater resources.
I actually often ask specific student leaders to step down from Pulse if they're not doing as well as they think they should in school.
Most alarmingly, what kind of message does such a lifestyle send to your parents or your friends? That Pulse is for people who love God but can slack off and ditch academic classes? No. I'm not saying you are doing such things but grades may prompt suspicion and those who don't know you well will conclude that. There's gotta be something that can be done to help you with your walk and your academic performance.
I'll be praying for you, bro. Contact me if you'd like to talk more. The wonderful thing is your college career is simply beginning - let's start strong and show your parents that you are academically reliable and can serve others at the same time.