Desperate for Morocco

The attempt took less than fifteen seconds. I left frustrated, hurt, and greatly pissed. Whether my mum was in a foul mood or not, that was just pathetic. I was given no chance at all to explain the details of the Morocco missions trip. All I was able to get out was that it's Morocco and it's in Africa. She flat-out said "no" twice, in which I asked her calmly her reasons for the swift decision. I received a yelled "Just because!" in Chinese. She then proceeded to ramble about school and my situation.

For those who know little about my school situation: I was dropped by Purdue University out in Indiana, the second time in May of 2008. Unable to register that late for San Jose State, I was left with the option of applying for Open University. An Open University student is allowed to take classes without the status of a full-time student. I am also given the lowest priority in terms of choosing classes. You can definitely imagine the difficulty I had to endure last fall just to secure three classes. I was supposed to be admitted this spring semester, but because I was unaware of A3 Critical Thinking requirement, I was turned down for admission. Imagine that! All because of one class I do not have completed, I was forced to go through open university again for spring and to re-apply for Fall 2009. This hardship has definitely made me regret, yet it has forced me to take care of myself and to initiate for my own things.

Given my academic situation, that has always been the sole trump card my family uses when I spend time with church-related events and people. Once again, it proved useful when I asked permission to go on the Morocco missions trip. I am feeling more hurt about not given a single chance to give information about the trip and my reasons for wanting to go, then I am about being turned down.

I could really use prayers. I have always had a hard time getting my family to understand me. They seem to not really understand that my involvement with Pulse has been the one thing that has picked me up from my hard times ever since I came here. It's always been the one reason I am thankful for the Lord and His amazing love. Serving my Brothers and Sisters has been and will always be my own way of saying God is good. It has also been teaching me about how to live my life. How can that be a distraction for school? How can school be more important than God? My family will never understand, no matter how hard I try, or so it seems.

A year ago, I was always avoiding the talk of missions trips. I could not and did not want to see myself being part of one. Despite knowing it's God's calling for everyone, I simply avoided it. Now that I truly see what He has in store for those out there, I really want to step out of my old safezone and be in the frontline for Him.

Thanks for taking your time for reading through this. I'm just really devasted. I prayed but I didn't feel any better. I cannot even smile. This is just ridiculous.

-eric